Sunday, May 30, 2004

I'm really not a fan of this weather

I have a day off tomorrow! I'm so looking forward to it and everything I have to get done in it.
the night is coming to a close. I'm ready to sleep. I have given in to my obsession of making lists and thus have put together a summer reading list. I do this every year. And I always get them done, but I have tried to fight my consistent list-making. Alas, I fail. So, I dive into reading. I do love it so.

Friday, May 28, 2004

my feet won't stop whining

well, well, I am doing much better than my last post. I'm so tired though. I have worked every night this week, 2 night of overtime and I work 7 hours tonight and 10-11 hours tomorrow. My body can't take much more of this.
Yesterday was a pretty good day despite the fact that I had to go to the doctor again. All should be well now. I have this fun little heart monitor thing for a few weeks. I also went shopping at Wal-mart, first time since I've been back. That's a record for me. I got a bunch of stuff that I need to make Ireland go a little easier in the packing area. I found an amazingly cool backpack which I am really excited about. I decided mine is too retarded to take with me. It always has problems. I also found a really cool waterproof watch that I need for the trip. Sad day that I can't take my red one.
Work last night was pretty good too. We were so busy. I made about $70 in tips and had some interesting conversations with some fellow workers. There is a mormom girl that just started working and she is so sweet. She has been training under me so many a conversation has been sparked. I love new opportunities. One of my regulars has been coming in when I'm there and we have talked quite a bit as well. Good thing he comes in slow times. He is such a funny elderly man, quite confused on spiritual issues though.
I'm off for now. I have so much to do and I think I'm going to treat myself to a trip to Borders. Lunch now with my father since I haven't seen him for 2 days because of work. Only 15 days til Ireland!

Thursday, May 27, 2004

if I could only think of the right word...

this day was awful. plain and simple and atrociously awful. I will spare the details mostly because I am afraid of the anger and bitterness and rage that might burst forth in ugly ways if I tried to voice the events. so, i'm off to sleep, way too late, and needing to get up much too early. the only way this day could end well is if I could see a chicken dancing in a pink polka dot skirt. yeah, that would make all things much better. goodnight.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

tornadoes, reflection, and whatever else comes to mind

I sit here thinking and reflecting as tornadoes are swirling around my city. I was kicked out of work tonight about an hour early because of the weather. My wonderful manager kept checking the weather and said he wanted me home before the worst hit. It was kind of nice to be able to relax once I got in the "safety" of my home. Now I will sit, breathing and allow my mind to wander. The flashlight is next to me just in case. I probably shouldn't be on my computer either, but oh well.
More on this weekend, it was quite fun. I had a blast with my kids' choir and even enjoyed the last bridesmaid fitting before the wedding. The drive to Tulsa is always a pain, especially when alone, but at least the weather was clear and calm.
My new cell phone works incredibly well in Siloam so that was exciting news. I was able to talk with a couple of people easily and without fear of my phone suddenly dying. It was wonderful!
Saturday night, I hung out with Sarah who lives in Bentonville and we had a blast, despite the fact that neither of us can make decisions without much difficulty. We wandered Hastings and Target, ate at Fazolli's and spent about an hour trying to find a movie to rent and then didn't watch it. Yes, Erin, an hour at Blockbuster. I'm sure you remember what that is like!
The weekend was great and I even got sunburned! Unfortunately, it is only on my left arm and the side my neck. Driving with the window open and having the sun stream in leaves very strange tan lines. But, I found an oldies station that played the whole way home!
Now, I'm home, working every night this week and still trying to get my stuff organized so I can pack for Ireland. Sigh. Somehow I just got very blah feeling. Well, I'm off before my computer dies. Maybe I'll watch the weather channel, or not. Probably not a good idea. Nonetheless, ciao. I miss you all terribly.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Kansas City once again

so I'm back. It was a fairly good trip except for the incredible amounts of driving required and the stupid gas prices. I can't imagine what those with gas over $2 are going through. Anyway, all in all, there isn't much to tell that anyone would be excited to hear. I missed people though. Siloam is very lonely when school is out. I'm glad I don't live there year round. I bought 3 cds at Hastings and that is definitely one of the highlights of my trip. Actually, I do have some funny stories, but they will have to wait. I got up at 1 and now am incredibly far behind from what I should have been doing before I work tonight. so, that's it for now.

Friday, May 21, 2004

on the road

so, i'm going to be in Siloam for this weekend and i'm leaving in about 5 minutes. therefore, i won't be on here til at least Sunday and i think i'm going to be incredibly depressed to be there and none of you are. anyway, happy weekend everyone!

the world inside my head

at work tonight, I had the incredible urge to dump a pot of coffee on myself just to see what sensation the scalding liquid would bring. It was a wonderful night actually. I wonder what causes those bizarre and possibly painful urges...

Thursday, May 20, 2004

a thought from Pride and Prejudice

I have courted prepossession and ignorance and driven reason away where either were concerned. Till this moment, I never knew myself.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

the teddy bear is upside down

I woke up to this day feeling very out of it and I haven't shaken the feeling yet. I have now taken enough medication to hopefully knock any hint of a migraine from the picture. I'm working tonight, so let's hope it's successful. Days like today, thinking hurts, but it seems to be all that I do. I keep wandering the house trying to decide what I should do that would count as productive.
I caught the end of a movie on TV that showed some of the corruption of our social care system. Made me think of Erin Anderson and the many conversations we have had about foster care and such. That would be a job I would love to do just to try to make it better, but after watching so many kids come in and out of my house because of it, I don't think I would last long without becoming extremely angry and unsuccessful in my attempts.
Heard yesterday about same sex marriage becoming legal in another state or something like that.
Election stuff is really making me want to hurl.
Also, had to endure listening to someone talk about how all Christians should pull their kids from the "corrupt public school system" and how that would solve a lot of family problems and education problems too. I walked away swallowing all comments of what a bunch of bull that is.
So all this to say, I've been pondering the state of our country and holding myself back from throwing something at the next "Christian" who blames everything they can think of except themselves. And now I'm off to get lost in some fictional book so as to escape the reality which sickens me and isn't helping my head any.

Monday, May 17, 2004


I sit here pondering the idea of being productive. Brian says he has been extremely productive and I would have to agree. I have also had an exceedingly productive day. I woke up late, but then went for a run around my neighborhood, cleaned my entire room of old stuff and am now fitting in all the stuff I care about from my room at school. Productive, yes. But, I really should start that paper that I have to write before leaving for Ireland. So, I wonder, is it really being productive to have gotten all this done, when something of greater priority still sits and gains dust? Procrastination or productiveness? This is the question I lay on the table.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

one down

The night is young. I have never understood this expression. I know what it is supposed to mean, but it does not fit as I think it should. It works for now I guess.
I cannot believe I have been home from school for an entire week now! That went so fast and I feel like I got absolutely nothing done. The past 2 days seemed to go slow while I was in them, but actually now they feel like they went quickly. Yesterday, my dad took me out for lunch and that was a sweet time and some good father-daughter bonding. Today was a day full of confusing time-warp feelings. I went to a bridal shower for a friend from high school. That was super weird. My friend is getting married. Then tonight, we attempted to go to a graduation open house. Attempted in that I read the invitation wrong all 3 times that I checked it and we showed up when it was over. I'm such a moron! Nonetheless I had plenty of conversation with a couple of people I used to know in high school but are now all graduating. It was nearly impossible to keep conversation. When did I get so old and out of it?
So, I finally talked to someone from my work yesterday and they were suppose to call last night with my schedule. I'm still holding the phone. I'm beginning to think that someone intercepted our phone and took the call for me. Possibly a lifeform from another planet. That would be so cool. Then maybe it would work for me through my time gone this summer, I could still go pick up the checks, and it would just be stupendous to have an alien waitressing!
I got a new cell phone today too! (Same number) Finally maybe this one will work in the hick town we live in.
I finished a book today. Started it yesterday. Good read.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

a bowl of cheerios

This day was absolutely charming. I'm not sure what made it so, but it was just overflowing with charmingness.
I was in that mood again that had me imagining what it would be like to be a model. Not the modeling part, but more the everyday living part. I don't really understand this, so don't try.
I spent most of the afternoon at the library looking for books and old movies and then had to coerce a new library card out of the librarian since mine has disappeared. Alas, my library is no where near as cool as Brian's colossal library of fun. The rest of my afternoon consisted of shopping, not very normal for me. After a couple of trips to the fitting room, I gave up in humored exhaustion, fully knowing that I would never have the guts to wear any of it in public.
I found another place that needs to be added to my "enter with caution" list. Borders. Tonight, I naively gave myself over to this marvelous plethora of worlds encased in cardboard. Bookstores and I mix all too well. After about an hour of perusing the shelves and skimming through every type of genre I deemed interesting, I finally settled into a chair for some deeper examination of my prospects for purchase. I exhibited incredible amounts of self-control and still walked out with 20 dollars worth of books(2) in my possession. I did not however have any coffee which completely shocks me considering I very seldom enter any bookstore that contains a cafe without finding myself at the counter habitually ordering some specialty coffee that I shouldn't be indulging. Nevertheless, the encounter with Borders was a pleasant one. I found a new haven.
My books are now calling for my attention. I wish everyone a marvelous and charming evening.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

productiveness is surging through my veins

Well, I got up this morning and actually got stuff done. This is exciting. My room is a lot more livable and I created two huge bags of junk that can unceremoniously be given to Goodwill. Ah! the exhilarating feeling of accomplishing something. Now, I sit to ponder the human brain, particularly mine.
I find it quite odd that while listening to music I still seem to be able to sing whatever song enters my mind. It reminds me of the lunchtime sandwich on the oldies radio station. Most often, the song I end up singing has absolutely nothing in common with whatever song is playing. I wonder if this is a hidden talent of mine.
This day is gloomy. I'm off to find a way to amuse myself.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

I'm going nuts

the day is coming to a close. my parents are relaxing. my sister is halfway around the world boarding a bus to move into a village. and here i sit, recording the parts i think are memorable of my humdrum life. i should be laughing at this pathetic life i lead. but i'm not. i'm not sure what i think.
my day was actually amazingly fun. i hung out with brian and mark again today and it was quite enjoyable. we wandered through a very bizarre art museum and visited the plaza for a bit. i got to test out a massage chair at sharper image. those things are amazing! i'm so thankful to have some people around right now. i think i'm going to lose it soon if i have to stay at home much longer. i don't understand this growing up thing. it feels easy to deal with until i get home and battle my parents. i could use some prayer about my attitude if anyone thinks of it.
so, been back a couple of days, my room is still a mess and i haven't called my work yet. can anyone say bum? so, i'm off to do something productive for the next couple of hours. never too late to start.

Monday, May 10, 2004

a day full of monkeys

well, this was an interesting day full of those many exciting things that make life even more livable. Mark and Brian were my companions for the day. We had a jolly time visiting amazing vintage stores, digging through old records, snapping memories with our friend the monkey, and watching a great movie "the Red Shoe." Pictures from the day are on Brian's whatever you want to call it since I'm not allowed to say the other term. Such a fun day.
Ok, I miss everyone. Time to go back.

Sunday, May 09, 2004


Fear. There are a lot of things that make people fearful. I discovered a list of phobia names today. Ailurophobia, the fear of cats. Altophobia, the fear of heights. Clinophobia, the fear of going to bed. Pteronophobia, the fear of being tickled by feathers. It was quite an extensive list and I realized that if I'm not careful, I could very easily become fearful of getting any of these phobias which would then lead to polyphobia, the fear of a lot of things. I already think I qualify for some, like coulrophobia, the fear of clowns and kakorrhaphiophobia, the fear of failure or defeat. Keraunophobia, the fear of thunder and lightning and quite possibly genophobia, nevermind about that one. So, I'm not sure where all this phobia talk came from, but my pastor was talking about worrying today and maybe that sparked this curiousity about phobias. Anyway, I wonder if there is a phobia of killing animals...
I hit a robin today, while driving. It was quite saddening I must say. The bird just didn't take flight fast enough and my front bumper clipped him. He probably would have been fine except he bounced off my windshield as well. I'm sure that finished him off.
So, I've started a blog. Yes, we'll see how long this lasts.
Oh, one more fear that needs a name ending in phobia...the fear of puppet shows. Well, not all puppet shows, but in honor of wonderful mother's day today, my sweet little cousin decided to put on a puppet show that lasted 45 minutes. (I fell asleep during most of it, until I got kicked in the head by my 3 year old cousin.) Definitely a new fear of mine. So no more puppets for me.